Prioritizing Defeat
by Fae 206
Summary: [Future - Married Klaine] Blaine returns one day from a late NYADA class to find his and Kurt's apartment covered with blood. When he finds out that Kurt, or another identity of Kurt's, is the cause for all of this he promises to love his husband no matter what, but what if this new Kurt is the most violent guy he's ever met? What risks will Blaine accept to be with his husband.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: **I really want to concentrate on one new fic, I just don't feel motivated on the older ones because of the lack of reviews on some of them and other reasons for others. The person I'd like to dedicate this one to is everyone who has that part of themselves who is causing inner pain but who they know they can conquer and tame.

For quicker updates on my other stories please show you're interested with even a quick review, thank you. - Fae

**Prioritizing Defeat**

They had been married two years, the Hummels, and Blaine Devon Hummel was _extremely_ happy with his beautiful husband. About two months before marriage, since they had been a little afraid of Rachel to do so before, the two had found a little apartment in Queens which they shared. Since Blaine had enough money there was room for both of them, though Kurt had to admit that he loved the close contact with his husband.

Blaine was now in his third year at NYADA and Kurt was a third year at Parsons, where Isabelle had helped him find his passion. The two had even, with Mercedes' help, recorded a few duets which had sold unexpectedly well online. It just seemed so perfect and so much like they deserved this.

After so, _so_ many obstacles they were both getting what they wanted and Blaine didn't think he could be happier, well that was until today. He had stayed behind to help the acting teacher with a task and he had paint on his jeans and shirt, and probably a little on his neck. He had phoned Kurt but all of the texts and calls weren't received but Blaine had to calm himself and trust that the man he loved wouldn't be hurt or do something dangerous without giving Blaine a heads up.

That was why seeing the bloody marks on the wall and some drops on the hardwood floor freaked Blaine out, his heart was racing, the key still in his trembling hand as he looked around and saw a bloody handprint on the wall. No! He felt so much cold inside of him, it was ice cold, he felt frozen and defeated and...

"KURT!" he yelled out, his heart in his throat as he felt pulled in a direction that he didn't even want to start to acknowledge, "KURT!" he yelled again, his eyes filling with tears as he struggled to put the key in his pocket, the door still wide open. "KURT! KURT!" he ran through the apartment, ripping open the doors and looking in every room before he saw Kurt in the bathroom.

He took a shaky breath in, Kurt was standing up but he was covered in blood. There were so many cuts and injuries and...had Kurt...

For a second Blaine didn't know what to think, his body working on automatic as he slowly approached his husband, was Kurt trying to kill himself because _Blaine_ had done something wrong? Had there been something he had missed...what if...

"H-Hey," he choked before noticing the knife, "Oh god, Kurt, I'll go get..." he frowned and then shook his head, they had a first aid kit in the bathroom...unless they had to go to the hospital. After Blaine had bandaged his spouse's arm he could try to decide on what was best.

"What the fuck you talking 'bout bitch?"

Blaine flinched, his body turning ice cold as he heard those words, that phrase that he had _never_ expected to pass his Kurt's beautiful lips. Blaine shot a rather pained look back after he had dug out the gauze and bandages and held the scissors. "Can I...see your arm?" he asked before seeing a look in Kurt's eyes that was unfamiliar, he hadn't seen it before, it was as if _this_ wasn't Kurt anymore.

"You some kind of damn pixie, don't touch me," the person within the brunette yelled, aiming a knife at Blaine's heart and the curly haired male flinched. He put a hand on Kurt's cheek though, seeing whoever he was facing flinching away and then spitting at him in disgust.

"Look at me, I'm going to do this and then I'm going to sort to your injuries, we're probably going to have to go to the hospital," he whispered trying hard to dissuade the thought that there was someone other than Kurt here with him. Despite the knife that scratched at his arm and maybe dug in slightly too deep Blaine leaned forwards and placed a very passionate, loving kiss on his love's lips. He pulled back, grabbing the knife and watching blood trickle down his own arm.

All of a sudden it seemed as if a switch had been pressed in Kurt's head and Blaine started to see the person that _he knew_, the Kurt that he loved. Kurt's eyes looked around, widening at all the blood and then his fingers came out reaching for the blood on Blaine's arm and saw the pain in his husband's face.

"Blaine..." he whispered terrified, backing away, "What...What did you do?" he pressed his porcelain fingers to his chapped lips in a manner that Blaine had seen many times.

The thing was, Blaine wasn't looking at Kurt in fear, not in the kind of fear that Kurt was staring at Blaine with.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note: **

I do realize that it's been over eight months since I last updated this fic, but I hope people will continue to read it as I really do hope to revive it, also, if you are looking for an amazing fic to read please read this one: https(:)(/) .net(/)s(/)9096672/1/ (it deals well with Klaine and has hidden moments from the series which have a ton of emotional depth. I hope you can also tell them I recommended it if you leave feedback)

**Chapter Two**

Kurt's voice was chilled as he looked around the apartment, he struggled to remember what had just happened, but he was scared. Blood was everywhere and Blaine was staring at him with a sympathetic, but still troubled expression. Blaine even looked as if he might wind up breaking and crumbling as he cried all the tears that were building inside of him. These were tears of guilt right? Blaine had done something, or at least he had entered the apartment to find it like this.

Why would _Blaine_ do something like this? What would possess his adorable husband to do something that definitely meant he had hurt another person?

Kurt wasn't exactly sure how to react, he wanted to comfort Blaine and tell him that he loved him, but…

What would cause Blaine to do this?

What impulse had Blaine hidden from him, inside of him that would cause such a violent action…and why wasn't Kurt remembering it. Why was all he remembered darkness, it was as if he had been asleep, but would he really have slept here as Blaine attacked him and messed up their apartment?

The last thing he remembered was being stressed because of a rather harsh criticism on a coat, he flinched as he remembered the crash of the clothing rack and him swearing and then everything went black. Tears formed in Kurt's eyes as his expression softened and he dropped to the floor, Blaine instantly by his side, wrapping his arms around Kurt. Kurt finally understood the concern and sadness and love on Blaine's face.

_Kurt_ had done this hadn't he?

Why didn't he remember doing this, why was everything a blur? He was a sleepwalker right? That must be what it was, he had been sleepwalking and he just…got too violent for his own good, because he was having night terrors. That was the only thing that made sense to him.

Blaine had his arms wrapped around Kurt's shoulders, face pressed into Kurt's neck as he kept whispering over and over again, "It's okay, I'm here beside you, It'll all be okay, I'll make sure it's all okay, It's okay."

Still, was it all going to be okay? Kurt wasn't even sure what had happened, he wasn't sure what he had done or why he had done it and tears started to fall down his cheeks as he realized this. He had become completely lost and none of this was okay? He choked, tears buried deep inside of him finally reaching the surface as Blaine continued to whisper those words that Kurt knew were meant for nothing less than comfort.

He couldn't feel comforted though, he had to figure out what had happened, he had to find the strength from within himself and as he started to break more he felt Blaine pull away. Instinctively he reached after him, Blaine was the only person who made him feel loved and safe and cared for. Would Blaine hate him now? Would Blaine want to get rid of him? Had Blaine been lying when he said that _he'd _make it all okay?

Alright, so there wasn't really anything that would make this "okay" but Kurt could wish for something better and he trusted Blaine to provide that for him.

His breath stopped, caught in his throat as he saw Blaine take a few steps away from him.

His breath started again as Blaine came back with a roll of bandages and medical tape.

Blaine returned to his side and started to bandage Kurt's injuries, treating Kurt with all the gentleness that Kurt had come to expect from him. It didn't matter that now Blaine had his own injuries to take care of, his husband had prioritized him. His husband would always prioritize him and although Kurt felt a deeper level of guilt, a deeper level of shame, he also trusted that Blaine would be with him through all of this and Kurt _needed_ someone there for him through all of this.

"I think we need to go to the hospital," Blaine said as he started to bandage his own arm (after helping Kurt with all of his injuries first). "I don't know what else to do."

Kurt shook his head quickly as Blaine looked at him, tears coating his eyes and blurring his vision, "Please, please Blaine, I don't want to be locked up."

Blaine's mouth hung open for a moment before he said in a dry voice, "Never, I will never ask them to lock you up, but I only used a small bit of antiseptic on the wounds and I want to make sure that they will all heal properly. I just want your safety."

Kurt flinched, his body trembling, "They'll lock me up Blaine, if they know the truth they'll lock me up, you'll let them," he panicked.

Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt again, "God no, baby, please don't ever think that I would. I'm not sure we _have _to go to the hospital, but you'll tell me if the pain worsens or you feel that it's better we go. I will _never_ let them lock you up Kurt, not unless you feel that that's what you need to do. I love you baby, I don't want to imagine a life without you. Any life with you is better than one where I don't have you in it."

Blaine moved one of his hands up and into Kurt's hair as Kurt finally let out a small smile and Blaine kissed his neck a few more times.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you" he said between kisses.

Kurt's breath faltered as he wrapped his own arms around his husband's body, as much as Kurt feared the idea of being locked up in some kind of psychiatric ward, he still couldn't shake the fact that he had hurt his partner because of night terrors. Blaine didn't deserve that at all and Kurt was worried that one day in the future he would hurt Blaine even more.

"Blaine," he finally asked because he _had_ to ask this, "What happened? Was it…was it…night terrors?" he asked as Blaine frowned, giving a pained hum.

Blaine pulled back slowly.

"You were someone else," he tried to explain, "you didn't know me, you called me a bitch and a pixie and you told me to leave," Blaine choked as Kurt took short breaths, knowing that Blaine was telling the truth. He had come to know Blaine's facial expressions enough to know that much. "I was worried, I was scared, oh Kurt I was so scared _for_ you."

Kurt frowned, "are you sure that you weren't scared _of_ me?" he asked feeling his body break further and a new level of tears brought to his eyes, a deeper level of pain brought to his heart.

What was wrong with him?

How had he been someone else?

Blaine looked at Kurt honestly, sharing the same pain, "Not that much," he replied, "because any and every single version of you is someone I love. I'm not going to leave you, I am truly committed to trying to make everything okay."

Kurt breathed out and he wrapped his arms around Blaine, "Thank you, honeybee"

Blaine nodded, "It's the truth, please never ever forget it," he said as he kissed Kurt's neck again.

Blaine just wanted to do whatever he could to make Kurt feel better, to make Kurt feel safe again.


	3. Chapter 3

So I decided to get the two of them help, which I wasn't planning on before, but this doesn't take away from what the piece is. I actually think it might add onto it in a number of ways and show just how much Blaine is willing to risk to be with Kurt. Hope any readers out there enjoy.

**Chapter Three**

Blaine Devon Hummel did _not_ like the fact that he and Kurt were here. He did not like the fact that only two days after Kurt had learned he had a multiple that they had agreed to meet with a professional about the issue. He didn't like how Kurt had plastered on makeup so it didn't appear he had any wounds. He didn't like any of this.

Kurt was everything to him and even though Blaine knew Kurt needed help, needed someone to talk to, he couldn't stop thinking that this person would love the man he cared about most. He didn't want to hear insults fly towards his perfect Kurt about all the way drugs and medicine might _improve_ him and how bad an illness like this was.

It was an illness, a rather threatening illness, but something that was natural as much as other people wanted to disagree.

Sure, the man who Kurt had turned into had wanted to hurt him and had threatened his life, but this Kurt, the Kurt that Blaine had always known, he wasn't like that. This anti-bullying, proud to be himself, man was not a bully and he was most definitely not a threat. Kurt didn't deserve hearing he was, he just didn't deserve it at all.

However, it was _Kurt_ who was trying to comfort him and tell him everything would be alright.

"You know I have to do this, right, baby?" he asked as Blaine looked away, "Honeybee. I can't do this without you."

Blaine looked back from where he was angrily staring at the world, wanting for it to change and hating the feeling of being trapped by the walls of these doctors offices. He stood from the bench they were sitting on and nodded, "I know," he sighed, raising his head with an extremely sad smile, "Trust me Kurt, I know, but…"

Kurt looked at Blaine and hugged him, "You're an idiot," he whispered, "You think that I'll let them put me in a hospital, god Blaine, do you know how bad that would be trying to have a new outfit every day, no I don't think the superbly glamorous life of Kurt Elizabeth Hummel is something that exists there, this is…more to look at outpatient treatment."

Blaine nodded weakly, "It's okay, and I know, I know Kurt," he replied, repeating the words since he was still stuck in his brain which was nervously conjuring up dozens of possible situations, situations that Blaine really did _not_ want to think about.

Kurt looked towards Blaine again, "Honey, I'm terrified, but if this is what is going to keep me doing what I love at the same time as keeping you safe, isn't it worth it B?"

Blaine sighed, "It is, I'm just scared they'll try and take you away from me. What I saw at home really scared me Kurt, I was scared that you might have actually hurt…yourself."

"Or you," Kurt added for him and a few tears came to his eyes, "I'm not asking that you like the guy Blaine, I am only asking that you listen to him, that you listen to the advice he gives me so that _we_ can stay together."

Finally the younger man nodded and Kurt slipped his hand into Blaine's, Blaine squeezing Kurt's hand in return.

They would always feel more powerful when they held each other's hands.

Kurt couldn't help but to admire the layout of the waiting room as they entered, apart from a small water tank at the side of the room, it was all based around the type of living environment in film noire. The black stretch sofa and the black and white checked tiles really highlighted just what a designer the psychiatrist must be.

Wasn't that weird in a way though? For everything to look like this?

Was this a Rorschach test of its own?

Were worse things happening behind the closed doors than Kurt could even think of? He sighed, looking over a table of magazines and picking up an issue of GQ that he was surprised to find in here, Blaine sitting beside him like a dog waiting obediently for his master. It was a bit of a contrast, Blaine on guard for something strange happening and Kurt casually sitting with his magazine.

"You want to read this with me?" Kurt asked as Blaine stood, starting to pace the room, "I'm trying to tell you Blaine, we've got five minutes to wait and I'm going to be frustrated if you just spend five minutes pacing. There was a gaming magazine on the table too, I know how much you enjoy your little video games."

Blaine rolled his eyes, he sat down and stared at his lap. "I won't pace," he announced.

Kurt sighed as he closed the magazine and wrapped his arms around Blaine, he kissed his cheek a couple of times and sighed, he disliked seeing Blaine blaming himself so much when none of this was Blaine's fault. None of this was caused by either of them, it was just something in Kurt's head that wasn't reacting right. Kurt could feel ashamed privately, but he didn't know why Blaine was so nervous.

Unless…

"The last time you saw the multiple," Kurt said very nervously. He hated asking this question because he really didn't want to know the facts, he didn't want to hear how people reacted to him and what he had done (or not done) that had hurt them. More than anyone he didn't want to hurt his husband, but Blaine was acting so nervous and on edge that Kurt knew he would have to ask sometime anyway, "When was that? Has it happened since…since I found out?"

Blaine closed his eyes, a few tears catching in the corners. "No, that was the first and last time I saw him."

Kurt sighed, "So, he wasn't very nice to you?" he asked as Blaine looked at Kurt heartbroken.

"Does it matter, it may have been your body, but they didn't have your heart or your mind," he tried to argue, he really did _not_ want to talk about this with Kurt because he didn't want either of them to continue to get upset over it, neither of them deserved to be upset by it further. Blaine _adored_ Kurt, wasn't that enough?

"Blaine, you're wrong, it was my mind."

There was silence.

As much as Blaine honestly wanted to argue with that, he knew that he didn't have a case to make. Sure he could say that Kurt would never think of acting that way, but some small part of Kurt had obviously _thought_ about acting that way _and ACTED_ that way.

"Not your conscious mind," Blaine muttered as he avoided eye contact.

After what he had witnessed, Blaine refused to acknowledge the possibility that it was really Kurt, _his_ Kurt who had done those things, he didn't want to think of Kurt _being_ another person but that was the reality they were faced with. Kurt _did_ have another person inside of him and although Blaine knew he would accept this, he did not have to convince himself that _his_ Kurt was doing this.

It was another Kurt, it was Kurt's shadow, it wasn't Kurt Hummel.

Before Kurt could answer, the door opened and out walked a younger woman holding tight onto her backpack and muttering to herself, Blaine was starting to feel even more worried. How judgmental would this man be about _his_ Kurt?

The man looked at the two of them before holding out his hand, "Hello, I'm Doctor Mark Howell," he said as Kurt nodded. He had to admit that this guy looked like Colin Firth (but ten years younger), the real life 'Mr Darcy'. He smiled as he held his hand out too, a slightly broken smile on his face.

"I'm Kurt Hummel and I already asked if my husband, Blaine, could come in and listen to our sessions just in case…" Kurt said awkwardly as Doctor Howell turned to Blaine.

"Of course," he said offering his hand and Blaine nervously shook it, "Come on in."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **I woke up yesterday to find a guest review on this fic that made me really happy so decided to write this, this chapter is the first of two in a row with the psychiatrist/therapist and you'll see why at the end. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter Four**

Blaine could partly agree with the two other men in the room, it was certainly a little childish or immature for him to be so overly defensive, but he was scared. He was absolutely terrified over what could happen to his husband, his very sweet, very gentle, extraordinary husband.

Blaine remembered how happy he had been when he and Kurt had gotten married, it was as if nothing and nobody could hurt them anymore, that they had proven to the world that they were in it together and under the power of both of them there was nobody who could hurt them. Blaine had just never considered that the person destined to hurt them was someone that Kurt could snap into without warning.

He was afraid, most of all, that Kurt would get the blame for it. Kurt had never hurt anyone, he had always been calm, gentle, and very sweet. This wasn't like him and Blaine was scared that someone would tell Kurt that this new person _was_ him.

Doctor Howell leaned back in his chair, notepad resting on his lap as he looked at Kurt, "So, Mr Hummel, can I call you Kurt?" he asked and Kurt nodded.

"That might be for the best," he said before gesturing to Blaine, "Blaine is Mr Hummel as well."

"And I have been for two years," Blaine quickly added as he sat on another chair to Kurt, arms crossed defensively over his chest. "I'm always here for when _Kurt_ needs me."

"Don't I thank you for that every day?" Kurt managed to smile as Blaine gave a quick nod.

"Alright," the psychiatrist continued to smile, "Can you tell me something about yourself, Kurt."

The fashion design student nodded as Blaine sat forwards, watching his husband and ready to jump in at any accusation the doctor might make. "I'm twenty three, a fashion design student at Parsons,"

"Parsons is a good school," Doctor Howell smiled as Blaine looked at Kurt.

"Kurt was able to get in easily, his work as a designer is amazing," Blaine added as the two other men looked at him and nodded.

"Thanks, honey" Kurt smiled, reaching a hand out and placing it on Blaine's knee in an attempt to comfort him. "Anyway, fashion design has always been one of my passions, when I first came to the city I was offered an internship at Vogue's website and that turned into a part time job, entry level of course."

"His boss loves him," Blaine added again, "He's definitely going to be promoted before you know it."

"Honeybee," Kurt smiled gently, "Once again, thank you."

"I used to attend NYADA as a musical theatre student but I thought I could achieve more in fashion," he looked towards Blaine who was opening his mouth to jump in so spoke faster, lifting a hand up to tell Blaine to stop. "I'm from Lima, Ohio and I absolutely hated my childhood though I had a good family relationship and many friends, Blaine and I actually met whilst I was living in Lima."

"Which means we've been together a long time," Blaine commented, "and both of us would feel _extremely_ bad if we were separated. Besides, Kurt was good at musical theatre so don't believe the fact that he changed his career goals meant more than following a different passion, he would have been an amazing Broadway star."

Doctor Howell turned to Kurt, "Is that really true? Are you sure that you weren't afraid of not making it as an actor," Blaine looked away as he rolled his eyes.

"Of course he would have made it," he commented.

"Thank you, B" Kurt said, his frustration with his husband starting to rise slightly. He understood why Blaine was getting so defensive (or rather protective), but it was getting harder and harder to speak.

"Okay, Kurt. What else?" Doctor Howell said before reaching for a sheet of paper and a book to lean on and handed it over to Blaine with a pen, "Maybe it would go by easier for Kurt if you wrote your thoughts on what we're doing down, Blaine."

Blaine sighed and nodded, he couldn't argue that they didn't have a point. He kept telling himself to hold back but it wasn't enough.

"My mother died when I was eight, my step-brother died when he was nineteen, my father's had a series of heart attacks and all of this was _extremely _stressful," he saw Blaine writing, but decided to concentrate more on the questions actually being asked, "I was bullied throughout high school,"

"I'm sorry to hear about your family," Doctor Howell commented in a sympathetic tone, "Now with the bullying, do you ever feel your deserved it"

"Of course he didn'—-" Blaine said, looking up from his paper before deciding to write more furiously and Kurt caught the word idiot being written down.

"No, I didn't. I felt very insecure about the fact that I was gay, I had pee balloons thrown at me, furniture nailed to the roof of my house, was thrown into dumpsters, hate kissed, shoved into lockers, and threatened to be killed," Kurt tried to explain before reaching for his husband's hand which a very surprised Blaine let him hold. "It wasn't until I met Blaine, whilst I was spying on an opposing Glee club, that I actually felt someone really cared about me, Blaine gave me the strength to stand up to my bully and even though there were some faults with the advice that he gave me, knowing that he cared that much was inspiring."

"I always always will care that much," Blaine smiled warmly. "I will never stop loving you."

"And I will always love you," Kurt smiled in return, he turned towards the doctor, "I suppose the judgment was what got me on edge, what made me feel hurt. From what I remember about the black out, the time that Blaine saw my multiple, I was upset about a critique in my fashion design class for a coat I had spent so very long making and I just…lost it."

Blaine made some more notes down. Kurt was starting to get concerned with just how _much_ Kurt was writing.

"If it's not too uncomfortable, tell me about your sex life. Does Blaine keep you satisfied?" the doctor added and Blaine raised an eyebrow, now this was interesting.

"Whilst we're doing it, yes, but we only do it an average of four times a week and it gets…" Kurt began as the doctor smiled softly and gestured with an open hand

"A little much, he's a demanding partner?"

Blaine bit his bottom lip, but Kurt managed to speak before he could.

"No, if anything it's because we don't have sex _enough_," Kurt tried to explain as Blaine gave a sheepish smile, "If it were up to me we'd be having sex nine times a week."

Blaine sighed, "My body isn't as fit and fabulous as yours," he tried to tell Kurt.

Kurt smiled and shook his head, "You will _always_ be fabulous Blaine."

"So," the doctor said, "before you read your notes Blaine, I'd like to try something with Kurt. "Kurt, I want to get you angry since that seems to be your triggering emotion. Is that okay?"

Blaine stood up but Kurt tried to tug him down, "It's fine, I'd prefer that everything be out in the open anyway." Blaine stubbornly sat down, looking away from the psychiatrist in anger.

"So, if you could close your eyes," Doctor Howell began and Kurt did so. "Blaine, it's extremely important that you remain silent during this part so we can bring Kurt back to the situation and see what kind of feelings emerge."

Kurt nodded and so Blaine sighed and sat back, not liking the feeling of this. He didn't know what would happen, but if that violent personality came out again he would be ready and there was absolutely no way that he would allow this doctor to lock Kurt up, Kurt _definitely _didn't deserve that.

"So, I want you to imagine how it felt in that classroom at Parsons, how the environment felt, whether there were people talking and what they were talking about. Remember how the footsteps of the instructor sounded, imagine what they wore, their hairstyle, their facial expressions. Feel the fabric of your coat and remember how much work was involved in the creation of it. How thoughtful you had been about the choice of fabric, how much money you spent on the fabric, the hours you worked on it, the sacrifices you made when you worked on it."

Kurt's body tensed, his hand turning into a closed fist, his frown deepening intensely, his body forced into a position of discomfort. He looked away, he didn't want to say this man was an idiot but there was something in his body rising just from the memories of this event.

"You're a horrible person," the doctor said as Blaine started to glare at him, "You're a terrible designer, how did you even imagine you'd be good enough for this class, in absolutely no way are you a suitable match for this class."

Kurt felt his body tense even further, his mind was beginning to become fuzzy but he wanted to stop himself from losing it. It was definitely a fight at this point.

"Your work is disgusting. How dare you think you can enter this school if _this_ is the quality of your work, you make me sick and I will report to the dean that you should be thrown out of the school."

Blaine glared at the doctor in the dirtiest and darkest manner he possibly could. He didn't notice the change in Kurt's position until he heard that darker, lower voice he had only heard once before.

"How the fuck do you know you fucking asshole!?" he yelled, "You wanna fucking mess with me."

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** I thought that I would take my anger out on the Blaineofsky storyline with this, but please keep in mind that there are some differences between Dave Lewis and Dave Karofsky (and I generally think that once the fanfic starts to continue people will prefer Lewis). If you have any thoughts or ideas about this story, I would love to hear them.

**Chapter Five**

Blaine's stomach sank as he heard the man inside his Kurt, the man sharing _his_ Kurt's body speak and he looked towards him. This new person was staring around the room in disgust and Blaine was sure he was trying to find all kinds of fault with all the things that Kurt liked about the interior design, "You fucking kidding me right now? Is this a fucking shrink session?"

Blaine felt something inside of his stomach curl up into a tight ball, he wasn't sure what to say but he was hoping that whoever this was wouldn't cause too much of a scene. Blaine didn't know what to say, whereas he would usually make an attempt to comfort his husband at this time, this was _not_ his husband and he didn't know how to deal with this situation.

The psychiatrist reached out a hand, "Hello, we haven't met. I'm Doctor Howell, and you are?"

The new person rolled his eyes and started hitting an open hand with a closed fist, Blaine flinched each time he heard the noise of the skin making contact with skin. He had to be brave though, this new person might be seen as a threat and it was _Kurt__'__s_ body. He wouldn't let anything happen to Kurt's body. No, he could only see himself starting to _adore_ this new side of Kurt, he had to love him as much as he loved Kurt, as completely impossible as that seemed to be.

"Dave, name's David, but everyone calls me Dave. Played football in high school, tried to kill myself once," Dave said as Blaine's eyes widened.

When Kurt had initially said David, one of his best friend's from the past came into his head. Okay, maybe not _best_ friend, but someone who had always been an inspiration for him, but this man wasn't an inspiration at all. It was when Dave went on to talk about the other details of his life that Blaine felt his stomach sink in. Those facts, there was one David who had lived through these things and Blaine's body shuddered as the name ran through his mind: Dave Karofsky.

"K-Karofsky?" Blaine had to ask as Dave turned back to him.

"What the shit! No, my name is Lewis, Dave Lewis." Dave said as Blaine let out a sigh of relief, as rude as it might sound he _never_ wanted to be paired up with Karofsky. That would be pure torture for him and something he could only see in a very very badly written story. Maybe Karofsky himself had written that.

"Dave Lewis," Blaine repeated, "I can live with that."

"No shit!" Dave said as he eyed Blaine, "Oh you're that fucking fairy who was so fucking in love with me, god you revolt me. You wanna go spread your pixie powder everywhere, and am I imagining it but you did _that_ to me. If you tell anyone you did that to me I'll kill you, I'm watching you whoever your name is."

"I'm Blaine," Blaine said with a slow breath out, "Blaine Hummel, I'm married to Kurt Hummel."

Dave laughed loudly, "Fucking shit, so you're married to a real fag. I know that Kurt Hummel you're talking about, real prick if you ask me. I think that that queer is a real lady-man, one of those androgynous fuckers if you know what I mean."

Blaine felt his own hand start to turn into a fist, "Kurt Hummel is a wonderfully extraordinary man and my husband and I don't allow anyone to talk about him like this. Yes, I'll be a support to you Dave, in your corner if that works better," at this point Blaine was talking through gritted teeth, he wanted to see through his anger, he wanted to _see_ Kurt but it had become very very hard to do that.

"Why in hell's god damn fire would I want a queer-o like you in my corner, you don't have any positive traits about ya," Dave stood and headed towards the door and Blaine quickly stood up to follow him, he didn't want _Dave_ to leave this room, the only person that he would _allow_ to leave this room was _Kurt_.

Blaine didn't know why the psychiatrist was just sitting there, staring at them and not saying a word. Wasn't he trained to deal with this? Wasn't he supposed to do something? Blaine didn't know what that idiot doctor was doing, but before he knew it, he had stood and was putting both hands around one of Dave's beautiful wrists and trying to force him to stay.

"Get the fuck off of me you trash!" Dave yelled before striking Blaine with a punch to his right eye and then kicking him back until Blaine was lying on the floor, his body feeling broken and sore. These were deep injuries that would leave bruises, but worse than that, his right eye was stinging like crazy. He could only see out of one eye right now? Was that normal? And the eye that had had surgery those four years back was injured again, somehow the pain felt worse than the slushie.

Blaine hadn't even noticed that whilst he was trying not to (and failing) moan in agony of the pain, Kurt had clicked back into _Kurt_. Kurt's body was trembling, his hands grasping the air as if trying to find something. All he knew once more was black and now his husband, the man he loved more than anyone and anything, was laying on his side in pain. What had happened? What had he done?

"P-P-Please," Kurt stuttered as he looked at Doctor Howell, "Please go to him, I ca-can't, b-b-but I need h-him to be alright."

"I'm al-right," Blaine said as he attempted to get up despite the pain and he noticed the psychiatrist come closer to him, trying to examine him and Blaine instinctively put his hands over the injuries, he realized it wasn't only his chest and his eye that hurt, but his back where he had landed once he had been kicked back. He forced himself to stop with the painful sounds, but that didn't mean the hurt wasn't coated in his voice, it was still quite audible. "I don't need help…"

"Please, Blaine," Kurt cried, tears rolling down his cheeks, "Please just let him see the injuries. Please, I want you…no, I need you to let him examine them honeybee."

The guilt was too painful and the way Blaine was just lying there, still attempting to stand up for him hurt worst of all. Why was Blaine doing this? Why was he behaving so stubbornly? Okay, so Kurt _knew_ why he was behaving so stubbornly, but at this moment he didn't think he was worth his husband's pain. He was starting to hate himself as Blaine forced himself up.

"Maybe it would be best for you two not to live together right now," the doctor suggested as Blaine shook his head, walking slowly towards Kurt and wrapping his arms around his husband, tears running down his own cheeks as he started to taste them. He held Kurt tightly and Kurt lightly placed his hands on Blaine's back as Blaine started to kiss his neck.

"I'm not leaving you, I'm not, I promise. I'm not going to let anyone harm you, I love you too much to let that happen," he said as Kurt wanted to fight back and say the same, but Blaine kissed him passionately, lips on his lips, hand cupping Kurt's cheek.

"Don't say the same. That man was not you, that man…was Dave Karofsky."


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **Added new list of when I plan on updating my fanfics on my profile page, know that these are 'goal dates' and could change by a few days, like right now I'm actually _ahead_ of schedule.

**Chapter Six**

Blaine sat quietly on the sofa in the Hummel apartment, he had tried to ask Kurt to go out for some ice, but his eye was still hurting and the bruises were coming out and his vision wasn't coming back. He didn't even want to tell Kurt that, if Kurt started blaming himself, Blaine didn't know if he could forgive himself.

No, even though he was scared he had lost his vision in that eye, Kurt was much more important.

He heard the door open and close quickly as Kurt rushed to him with some bags of frozen vegetables and a couple of ice packs, "I think I have to pop these first," Kurt explained as he gently tossed Blaine the peas and Blaine leaned back, placing them over his damaged eye. He heard the popping sound of the cold pack and tried to look at Kurt, but he had faced the completely unfortunate way.

Blaine reached out for the ice pack, but Kurt was pushing his hand away, he approached him as Blaine took a deep breath in.

"Kurt," he said, trying not to shed any tears, "Please, just give me the ice pack."

Kurt shook his head stubbornly as he walked over to his husband and opened his button up shirt, tears filling his eyes as he saw the deep purple bruise on the right side of Blaine's chest. He nervously placed down a piece of cloth before resting the ice pack over it. Blaine bit his bottom lip and Kurt placed a gentle hand down on the piece of the cloth he had wrapped over the pack and touched Blaine's cheek with the other.

He felt wretched. _He_ had done this to Kurt, the pain that Blaine had been through, the depth of the pain Blaine must be feeling. "I'm sorry," Kurt sobbed as Blaine reached out for his hand, "I didn't know, I…" he shivered, a few tears chasing each other down his cheeks. "I…"

"I know," Blaine said softly, "You couldn't help it, that man wasn't you Kurt."

Kurt looked down before quickly nodding, that man _wasn__'__t_ him, but it didn't change the fact that it had been _his_ body to inflict such pain on the man he loved, the man he would always love. "How's yo-your eye?" he had to ask, his voice breaking.

Years ago Sebastian Smythe had thrown a rock salt slushy at Blaine (or actually him and Blaine had saved him). The damage had led to Blaine having to have surgery due to how scratched his eye had been, he had had to miss school and be on painkillers. It had scared Kurt to see him that way, despite how much Blaine wanted to support him with NYADA, it had scared Kurt. Now there was a bruise over the same eye, the eye that doctors had told Blaine to treat carefully, one of Blaine's Achilles heels that Kurt knew about. Black eyes had been linked to eye trauma before and Kurt _needed_ to know how bad it was.

"It's fine," Blaine lied and Kurt _knew_ he was lying, he had only known Blaine for how many years?

"No it's not," Kurt panicked, he lifted the bag of peas to see _noticeable_ damage in the eye, a kind of white film where it was just slightly open due to the bruise that had swollen. That did _not_ look good and it made Kurt feel a noticeable degree of panic.

"Blaine Devon Hummel," Kurt said in a no nonsense type of voice, "Tell me honestly, how is your vision in that eye?"

Blaine shifted uncomfortably and tried to look at Kurt, he caught Kurt's concerned look and felt his stomach start to try and fold over, he didn't know what to say. If he told the truth then Kurt would be less angry, he would be hurt, but if he lied Kurt would be able to see through it, "I can't see," he finally told Kurt as tears started to fall down Kurt's cheeks, "but it's okay. I don't _have_ to see through _both_ eyes."

Kurt frowned as he looked away, "Get your coat," he said stubbornly as Blaine stared at him, he reached out for Kurt, but knowing how Blaine was feeling made Kurt pull away. Yes, he loved Blaine dearly, but he wasn't willing to become someone who would settle for this. If there was a way of restoring Blaine's vision then he wanted to take it, no matter the punishment to himself.

"What?" Blaine asked as Kurt said more forcefully.

"Get your coat on, I'm getting a cab and we're going to the hospital. I think somewhere subconsciously I knew when I was that other guy that if I hurt your eye it would mean semi-permanent damage and I'm not taking one of your excuses Blaine, _I_ hurt you this this time and I'm not going to be happy until we get your checked over by a doctor."

Blaine sighed and attempted to get up, oh god did his back and chest hurt. He bit his bottom lip in an attempt to hide the pain, but Kurt was noticing that as well. Kurt's voice became more panicked as he moved towards his husband and pulled Blaine's arm on his uninjured side over his shoulders. "Come on, we have to grab a taxi and I need you to put your shoes and coat on and grab your bag, let's move over to one of the chairs over here," Kurt seemed to half order and half explain.

Blaine staggered over, leaning on Kurt more than he wanted to and the two made it to the chairs a short distance off as Kurt grabbed everything for himself and Blaine, fortunately he found a pair of Blaine's slip on shoes so that they couldn't have an argument about who would touch the laces.

When both of them were ready to go, Kurt helped Blaine out of the apartment, he needed to get him to the hospital.

—-

**One Hour Later**

Kurt nervously sat outside the doors of the room Blaine was getting treated in, as Blaine's husband he had full rights to be with Blaine through this, but Blaine had requested that he got tested alone and despite Kurt not liking it one bit he would respect his husband's wishes.

Tears started to fog his vision once more as he realized how much pain Blaine must be in. Kurt had injured him, maybe Kurt had even done more damage than Sebastian had. It made him cringe and physically hurt to know that he had done this to the man he loved.

It made him die inside to think of the possibilities.

Finally a doctor exited the room and approached him, "We're going to have to keep Blaine in for observation, Mr Hummel" the doctor explained as Kurt frowned. What had happened? Why? He had never ever wanted to hurt Blaine and now this.

"And his eye?" Kurt asked desperately, "Is his eye okay?"

The doctor gestured for Kurt to stay seated as the fashion design student started to rise, wanting to see the man he loved, wanting to make this all better for him.

"As you know," the doctor began as Kurt started to feel that his own breath was being stolen from him, "Blaine has had surgery before in the eye,"

"Yes," Kurt nodded, "In high school, years ago."

"I'm afraid that the amount of time that has passed in this particular case doesn't matter that much to the case at hand," Kurt took another deep breath and tried to nod but it was definitely getting harder to do even that."The damage this time is permanent."

Kurt felt as if he had died again.

_He_ had been the one who had hurt his husband this time.

_He_ had been the person who had robbed Blaine of half of his vision.

"No…" he whispered as more tears ran down his cheeks, "No…"

"More than that, it's a good thing that you brought Blaine down here, there has been some internal bleeding in his chest and we're worried this might have contributed to a slightly bruised lung, it would mean that it is not wise for him to sing too much, Blaine told me that that was something he enjoyed," the doctor attempted to explain as Kurt felt his entire body start to get numb and empty, his breath was pulling his being out of it. "I'd also advise he stop getting in fights with former friends."

So, Blaine hadn't even told the doctor it was _Kurt_, he hadn't properly explained what had happened.

After all of this, after knowing the damages, Blaine Anderson was still protecting him.

Kurt felt awful.

_He_ had ruined his husband's, the man who meant more than anything, life.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **Thank you to whoever my mysterious guest reviewer is, you don't know how excited I was to have a review on this fanfic on one of the most recent chapters. It really gave me a sense of hope and motivation, I love writing this fic so I'm very grateful someone seems to love it as much as I do.

**Chapter Seven**

Kurt couldn't concentrate at all for the next two days and he was pretty sure it was going to last many days after that. Blaine had told him that he was taking some time off of NYADA until the chest injury cleared up, at least he had phoned into Carmen Tibideaux from a hospital bed without Kurt knowing it and discussed the situation. Kurt was pretty sure that the chest injury wasn't the only problem, as much as Blaine forced himself to act calm and collected, Kurt knew that Blaine was having insecurity about his eyesight, he knew that this had caused a lot of damage and it wasn't going to be repaired the way a bruise could.

Despite having flipped out because of the coat debacle, Kurt was trying his best to concentrate in his class. He had made some adjustments to the coat and instead was working on a shirt to go underneath it, as he was ironing out the fold on the collar he watched nervously as the instructor came over to him again.

His stomach squeezed in as he saw her disapproving look and stared down, it was going to happen again wasn't it? He flinched, he didn't want to deal with this, he _couldn__'__t_ deal with this. He needed air, he needed oxygen, he needed freedom. "Still not very good Mr Hummel," the instructor said as she touched the coat and shook her head making a tsk'ing sound.

"Mr Hummel I do wonder about your commitment to this class and your level of talent," the instructor said as Kurt thought about how he had felt before and how he had felt in Doctor Howell's office before he blacked out and found an injured (now hospitalized) Blaine on the floor of the room.

Blaine was the only man who truly loved him with such a powerful strength that Kurt felt safe and comforted and now, now things definitely weren't working very well. Blaine wasn't here and even if he was, Kurt was afraid that he might attack him again.

"Jeremiah," the instructor gestured to another student, a student that she loved and wasn't afraid to show her passion about his work. Kurt disliked the name Jeremiah, it always reminded him about the GAP attack.

His head pounded, becoming incredibly fuzzy once again.

He needed to breathe before he blacked out again and he was scared that it would happen again and who knew what would happen if he did blackout and become Dave Karof—-sorry, Dave Lewis.

"What do you think of this monstrosity?" she asked, waving a hand at the hard work Kurt had put into his design.

It was getting worse. It was getting so much worse.

"I think it is definitely flawed," Jeremiah commented as Kurt gripped the table in an attempt to grip onto some kind of control. "I mean, these types of designs rarely pan out in the real world, they end up in the backroom of a Walmart forgotten because of the sloppiness in creating them."

Kurt felt his eyes closing, his mind shutting down on him.

"I completely agree," the instructor said as Kurt started to smile, or rather Dave started to smile with a strong chuckle. It was enough to break him into this persona.

"You think I'm worthless," Dave said in his very low and threatening voice and even the emotions inside of Kurt's eyes had changed which led to Kurt looking like a very different person (as if this was an evil twin). "Well, I happen to be worth more than you. You are a disgusting mess of an individual," he laughed, "Your body is too fat, you look like a clown with that haircut, and you smell as if you rolled over in a dead carcass. I can't believe that I'm standing so close to someone so disgusting."

"Mr Hummel," the instructor said, "You can't act this way just because of constructive criticism, I gave you another chance and…"

"Mr Hummel," Dave chuckled darkly as he shook his head, "Why does everyone mix me up with that fucking fairy? Are you a fairy too," Dave said as he pushed Jeremiah and then walked around to someone who was welding with a blowtorch. Why would people always think that they could work with leather and metal? They were idiots! Everyone in the entire place was an idiot!

"Mr Hummel I must insist that you put the torch down," the instructor said as she treated Kurt as if he was a child who didn't know any better. Dave shook his head as he turned to the coat, looking at it and finally he used the blowtorch to set it on fire.

The entire class was staring at the burning wreck and a couple girls grabbed the fire extinguisher as Dave pointed as he stared at the horrified instructor, Jeremiah slowly backing away out of nervousness associated with this new individual.

"Mr Hummel," the instructor said sternly as Dave started to walk out of the classroom.

"It's Mr Lewis, David Lewis," David grinned as he looked back at her and the instructor stared at him.

"Get out of this school, you'll get an official letter tomorrow about your expulsion from this school," the instructor said as Dave shrugged.

"Why the fuck would I want to be fucking associated with this school, it's a disaster and it's filled with a ton of fags." Dave spread his arms out wide, "I hope you all taste a lot of testicle," he said as he pointed to Jeremiah, "Especially you, it's a good thing that I'm outta here, 'cause I could have fucking murdered you and don't put it past me."

"Mr Hummel, Mr Lewis, or whoever you're calling yourself. You're expelled! Get out right now!" the instructor yelled, "Don't make me get the police involved."

Kurt had broken through of his multiple during the last words the professor had said and he felt his body break as he heard how serious she was. The words kept circling through his head.

_You're expelled. Get out right now. Don't make me get the police involved._

His eyes flickered to the ashes of his coat as he felt his whole body turn inwards and start suffocating him from the outside inwards. "I'm sorry," he replied as he came in, grabbed his bag and portfolio, scanned the room to make sure he hadn't missed anything and left.

He had failed. He had failed himself. He had failed Blaine.

Kurt hadn't ever felt so guilty and alone in the world, Blaine had always been beside him, but Blaine didn't deserve this and Kurt had screwed up so much, he had screwed absolutely everything up and tears washed down his face as he hopped on a bus, hoping to get to the train station and then go back to his and Blaine's apartment.

He was falling apart and he needed to be somewhere where he could feel safe, he wanted to see Blaine but what if Blaine divorced him? What if everything fell apart? What if Kurt ruined something else, he couldn't handle that if that was the case, he wouldn't be able to handle that at all.

Blaine was now his everything, or at least he was for a couple more hours.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **I'm still feeling depressed so I'm not sure how often I'll be updating, but I felt like writing this and even though I don't have a lot of confidence I wanted to post this so I hope people like it.

**Chapter Eight**

Kurt felt his stomach collapse as he arrived at the hospital, he kept looking around the room, staring at the walls and thinking about how he was going to explain this to Blaine. He didn't know how he was going to tell Blaine that he had been kicked out of Parsons. He didn't know how he was going to even make up for the physical damage, the permanent damage that he had done to Blaine's sight.

Why did he have to add anything more onto it? Why did he have to admit the terrible wrongs that he had otherwise done?

Nervously Kurt paced the hallways as he slid his wedding band up and down his finger. Would this be the very last time he would be able to wear this ring? Where would it go after he had to return it? Would he ever have a chance to wear it again?

Tears, that instantly cast a feeling of shame within Kurt's entire body, appeared in his eyes and Kurt very nervously breathed in before walking in the direction of Blaine's hospital room. He knocked on the door and gently opened it as he saw Blaine waking up, "Hey…" he smiled softly, "Hope I'm not disturbing too much of your sleep," he put a hand to his shoulder and stared around the room.

"This room definitely could do with a bit of an update, it seems rather boring for you to be spending so much time here. Maybe someone should add a bit of color and a bit of light," Kurt commented as he tried to defend himself by casting criticism about his environment. It was a way of protecting himself, he could seek out the negatives in something else if he felt that he didn't deserve the treatment he was receiving, everyone had flaws and if his were going to be attacked he had a right to point out someone else's.

"You got me flowers," Blaine laughed as he gestured to the large vase with the red and yellow roses. "I didn't think you'd be here until this evening. I thought I could sleep now and see you then."

Kurt moved nervously, "Blaine," he said before walking over to the chair next to the bed and sat down, "If you want me to leave so you can get your sleep I can go…I think your rest is important."

The curly haired man laughed softly and then moved himself into a seated position, he reached out to take Kurt's hand and was surprised at how limp it was. Did Kurt not want to hold _his_ hand? "Kurt?" he asked in pain, he looked up and saw that whilst 99% of the outside world would say that Kurt looked okay, Blaine knew that he was being bothered by something.

The silence overpowered the room and even though Blaine was making small circles with the way he was rubbing his thumb on Kurt's hand, the only sound seemed to be the break as Kurt's eyes filled with tears.

"I…I got expelled," he said weakly, not looking at Blaine at all as Blaine repositioned himself so he was sitting up straighter.

"Wha—-?" he began, very confused but most of all concerned.

"They kicked me out…Dave…he took control, he set the outfit I was designing on fire and it…it all went dark…next thing I know is that I've done something terrible and people are scared of me and then I get expelled…" Kurt took a shaky breath as he pulled his hand away from Blaine's. He shivered, his entire body got tense.

"I can forget about my happy ending." Kurt said in a very hollow way, "I can forget about fame, fortune, inspiring people, being looked up to, being loved…"

"I love you," Blaine replied softly, "I'll always love you."

Kurt turned to him, his stomach sinking, "Blaine…this other guy, Dave, you can't still love me when he's in the picture can you? It's…you're in the hospital because of me and now I've been kicked out of design school and…"

"Did you ever think it all mattered?" Blaine asked as Kurt looked at him in shock, "All that has _ever_ really mattered to me, _really_, is you.

"Blaine…" Kurt whispered, "I want to be away from you, even in therapy it was suggested that we don't live together."

Blaine forced himself out and off of the bed, feeling a bit dizzy in his position but he walked over to Kurt and shook his head, "I don't want to live without you, I want to live together like we deserve to do, I want us to be together, I want us to be able to love each other freely. Are you…Are you trying to tell me that you don't want to be with me anymore, because even if I'm half blind I can still say that I only see the rest of my life being worth _anything_ if I'm living it with you."

Kurt smiled softly, "I feel the same, but Blaine you have to promise me. If I try to hurt you again, you'll either defend yourself or you'll hurt me. I know you don't like even the idea of hurting me, but I trust you to stay in control of your body and to not let anything go too far,"

Blaine nodded, "As much as it hurts me. I agree with that, just please always remember how much I love you."

"'Course," Kurt nodded, braving a smile, "Love you too."

**Morning of the Next Day**

Blaine sat in the waiting room where the dean's office was located with a three ring binder _packed_ with information. He had been let out of the hospital the previous evening, though he was originally supposed to stay there for a little more time, and from that moment on started collecting all the information he _needed_ to make a case for Kurt.

The dean came out and Blaine smiled, after talking to three people and them sending him to different places, he was now here and he was speaking with the right person. "Hello, I'm Blaine Anderson-Hummel," he nodded as the dean frowned.

"Hello," she nodded, "Elizabeth Montgomery. So you're the young man who is telling us that we have to accommodate a disability for your husband? Is that so?" she asked as Blaine nodded.

"Yes, and I'm glad I managed to see you when I was in. My husband has been here for two years already and was diagnosed with something that, upon entering your office and explaining my case, you will know is a psychiatric condition that someone can not be judged on _or_ expelled out of a school for."

"If I recall correctly, your husband started a fire and threatened someone else's life," the dean said with her arms crossed over her chest.

"My husband suffers from dissociative identity disorder and was triggered very recently, we are going through treatment plans and I am not asking for him to reenter the school immediately, my case is that the permanent expulsion should be changed into a forced leave of absence until he is under control, if you do not do anything then I will seek a lawyer and ask for damage claim de to the educational board's laws not being met."

Elizabeth sighed, "Let's go into my office then," she said with a frown as Blaine nodded.

He was prepared not to leave that office until his task was complete.


End file.
